Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
