Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
