fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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