I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
