He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
