Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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