I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize