Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
