He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
