fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
