Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
