A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
nutella sex= disaster
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
