i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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