This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
