I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
