when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
