My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
