I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
