I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
