WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
