Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
