I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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