Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
