yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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