When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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