at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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