So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
