oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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