I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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