people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
