I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
