There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
