Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
