i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
