That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize