I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
