That's when you crack a 10am beer
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
