a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize