her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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