dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
