the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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