too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
