I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize