My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
