I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
