Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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