Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
