This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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