My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're making bets on your personal life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
