well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We have started to decorate penises.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
