when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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