I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
