I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
