Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
