Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
