if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
