Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
