all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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