remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
