My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
