Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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