I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
