Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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