new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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