what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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