Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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