this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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