Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
