i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
