Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
