Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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