so explain again why im purple
no
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
