i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
