seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize