Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize