It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
