I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He did a backflip because drugs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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