i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
