so explain again why im purple
no
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
