I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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