i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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