Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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